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Day 7:
In your own space, create a love meme for yourself. Let people tell you how amazing and awesome and loveable you really are. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so. Surf the comments and find people to give love to.
I never found it easy to take compliments well. I learned long ago that a simple thank you usually suffices, but due to the early harsh criticism that I got as a child, compliments that were too strong often felt false to me, as if someone were making fun or mocking me. It took me years to realize that people were being honest when they said that they appreciated me. I realized then that the person who had the most trouble loving me was myself.
So when I started writing fan fiction, I resolved to not do it for the acclaim of others, but for myself. I try not to take hit counts too seriouly, or to get upset when people don’t rec or read my fic. So putting up a post to ask for love actually scares me. Somewhere down there is the feeling in my heart that no one cares, and no one will love me. This is followed by the feeling that people will post because they pity me, or not post at all which I can’t tell if I would prefer or not.
So I decided to charge right in and be the first to say what I love about my fandom self.
I joined the Sherlock fandom in 2012. I was being kicked out of my workplace, and my health was very poor. My failures were getting me down, and so I escaped by watching fan music videos and reading fanfiction. I had dreamed of being a writer since the age of 12 but I was always afraid to show my work. Part of the reason I married my husband was that he took me seriously when I told him about my writing dreams. But I couldn’t write then! I wasn’t good enough. I hid my books, unfinished under my bed and talked of them to no one.
But after I read some, I had a strong desire to tell my own version of the story. I wrote a romance without a simple happy ending. I wrote one where John chose Mary, and I got comments. People loved it. People hated it. People said it was well written, and I learned that I was a writer because I was writing. I became a writer when I allowed myself to write.
That first story was Moving (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8284344/1/Moving) which had two sequels and began my prolific writing streak that has resulted in over 100 works including a complete rewrite of the moving series on AO3 with a different ending (http://archiveofourown.org/series/36036 ).
I try to be inventive, and always write a fic that I would want to read. I have enough stories now that I have forgotten some of them, so I have the joy of reading them as I do other people's fan fiction. I find that I am much less critical when I look at them with other’s eyes. I have often thought of making a reading guide to my stories, but then I think of how narcissistic that would be. One day I might. Then hopefully people could find something they liked among the chaff.
Thanks for listening to me rant. I love fandom, and I love you all for being here with me. Thanks for making fandom fun.
In your own space, create a love meme for yourself. Let people tell you how amazing and awesome and loveable you really are. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so. Surf the comments and find people to give love to.
I never found it easy to take compliments well. I learned long ago that a simple thank you usually suffices, but due to the early harsh criticism that I got as a child, compliments that were too strong often felt false to me, as if someone were making fun or mocking me. It took me years to realize that people were being honest when they said that they appreciated me. I realized then that the person who had the most trouble loving me was myself.
So when I started writing fan fiction, I resolved to not do it for the acclaim of others, but for myself. I try not to take hit counts too seriouly, or to get upset when people don’t rec or read my fic. So putting up a post to ask for love actually scares me. Somewhere down there is the feeling in my heart that no one cares, and no one will love me. This is followed by the feeling that people will post because they pity me, or not post at all which I can’t tell if I would prefer or not.
So I decided to charge right in and be the first to say what I love about my fandom self.
I joined the Sherlock fandom in 2012. I was being kicked out of my workplace, and my health was very poor. My failures were getting me down, and so I escaped by watching fan music videos and reading fanfiction. I had dreamed of being a writer since the age of 12 but I was always afraid to show my work. Part of the reason I married my husband was that he took me seriously when I told him about my writing dreams. But I couldn’t write then! I wasn’t good enough. I hid my books, unfinished under my bed and talked of them to no one.
But after I read some, I had a strong desire to tell my own version of the story. I wrote a romance without a simple happy ending. I wrote one where John chose Mary, and I got comments. People loved it. People hated it. People said it was well written, and I learned that I was a writer because I was writing. I became a writer when I allowed myself to write.
That first story was Moving (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8284344/1/Moving) which had two sequels and began my prolific writing streak that has resulted in over 100 works including a complete rewrite of the moving series on AO3 with a different ending (http://archiveofourown.org/series/36036 ).
I try to be inventive, and always write a fic that I would want to read. I have enough stories now that I have forgotten some of them, so I have the joy of reading them as I do other people's fan fiction. I find that I am much less critical when I look at them with other’s eyes. I have often thought of making a reading guide to my stories, but then I think of how narcissistic that would be. One day I might. Then hopefully people could find something they liked among the chaff.
Thanks for listening to me rant. I love fandom, and I love you all for being here with me. Thanks for making fandom fun.
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